Your Halo's Slipping Down. To Choke You Now.
Inside The Mind Of The Deluded Voodoo Child
 

agar kuch hota, toh Khuda hota.
agar kuch na hota, toh Khuda hota.
marwaya mujh ko honay ne,
agar mein na hota, toh kiya hota?



Merey Bol. Merey Qa'ul. Merey Alfaaz.
Meri Saza.

Meri Irtiqa.
 

[+] About Me

    Bismillah jee Bismillah.. :p


    Name: Hafiz Moazzam Shahzaad :P

    Location: Lahore, Pakistan

[+] Special Thanks

[+] Mood..
    I feel The current mood of shemrez at www.imood.com

[+] Recent Catharsis


[+] Ancient Blabberings

[+] Places I Go
[+] Skitzopsychosis

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[+] Other Reccomended Pastiches


[+] My Other Works

[+] Words of Wisdom
  • Everyone wanted to know what I'd do if i didn't win. I guess we'll never know.
    - Kanye West, Artiste.

  • Don't ever lose hope, but know that few things are just not worth fighting for.
    - Myra Iqbal, Rainbaby.

  • There is a God. Definitely. But I disagree with faith.
    - Shemrez Nauman Afzal, urban dysfunctional offspring.

  • Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get.
    - Forrest Gump, movie.

  • A mind doesn't have to be frustrated as long as its connected to a hand somewhere along the way.
    - Midhat Masood Syed, Chona Baby/Scorpio.

  • I do not cry, I do not weep. There are no tears to wipe away.
    - Sahar Haq, Nikki Jayii Haan.

  • Math, my dear boy, is the lesbian sister of biology.
    - Peter Griffin, Family Guy

  • What is truth? a mobile army of metaphors, metonyms, anthropomorphisms, in short, a sum of human relations which were poetically and rhetorically heightened, transferred, and adorned, and after long use seem solid, canonical, and binding to a nation. Truths are illusions about which it has been forgotten that they are illusions, worn-out metaphors without sensory impact, coins which have lost their image and now can be used only as metal, and no longer as coins.
    - Friedrich Nietzsche, Philosopher.

  • Spellings! Bah! Teeny little zits on the ass! Who cares!
    - Saleha Waqar, Ishtar/Self-proclaimed Diety.

  • There's something about indulgence and appreciation. Something hushed and sitting back, eyes closed in abandon, surrender, all things deliciouslydivine(sic).
    - Nausheen Ishtiaq, Sproj.

  • Life is just one word; balance.
    - Ian Andrew Eldred, Bassist.

  • Even if you are comfortable with Hicks, you must do Slutsky. Are you comfortable with Slutsky?
    - Dr. Debkusum Das, LUMS Visiting Economics Faculty.

  • When people say 'Miss you like hell', what do they mean? Who misses hell?!
    - Ameera Safdar Khawaja, Boobooss.

  • You know, in Wisconsin, if you win a girl a giant purple rhinoceros, she puts out!
    - Ashton Kutcher, Actor That 70's Show

  • It is only in the mysterious equations of love that the logical reasons can be found.
    - Dr. John Nash, Ph.D.

  • If rape is inevitable, just lay back and enjoy it.
    - Mukhtaran Mai.. No wait, Major Azhar! Haha!

  • Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion.
    - L. Ron Hubbard, Scientologist.

  • It's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong. So I picked a guy I thought you'd like. 'We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.'
    - American History X, movie.

  • Never assume. It makes an ass of you and me.
    - Shahid Nauman Afzal, Chemical Engineer.

  • The basis for optimism is sheer terror.
    - Oscar Wilde, Literati.

  • The whole notion of feeling happy and complete only if you are with someone is 'Evel'.
    - Emel Tarik Shaikh, Saxpijjan.

  • Islam is our Faith, Democracy is our Policy, and Socialism is our Economy; All Power to the People.
    - Zulfikar Ali Bhutto Shaheed, Quaid-e-Awam.

  • Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather.
    - William Melvin 'Bill' Hicks, Comedian.

  • Every man, woman and child alive should see the desert one time before they die. Nothing at all for miles around, nothing but sand and rocks and cactus and blue sky. Not a soul in sight. No sirens, no car alarms, nobody honking at you, no madman cursing or pissing on the streets. You find the silence out there. You find the peace. You can find God.
    - 25th Hour, movie.

  • Jesus loves me, but I just want to be friends.
    - ?

  • I used to think if I killed somebody I would want to go to the cemetery and apologize. That's not really what guilt is though. Guilt's a feeling you have towards people who are living. It's like everyday you're out there shaking hands, talking. But you, the guilty person, you know that it's all unreal. It's like guilt is this secret inside of you that destroys the fabric of everything, and then everything's unreal. You can't even have a life. But it's not necessary for it to destroy you. You just have to face it.
    - Crime and Punishment in Suburbia, movie.

  • Apollo stood on the cliff. Come to the edge, he said. We can't, they said, it's too high. Come to the edge, he said. We can't, they said, it's too high. Come to the edge, he said. We can't, they said, we'll fall. Come to the edge, he said. They came. And he pushed them. And they flew.
    - Chicken Soup, book.






    • Wednesday, December 29, 2004

    Life Is Not A Bed Of Roses...

    Life is Not a Bed of Roses
    - Shemrez Nauman Afzal
    HSC - 1 - Commerce

    I am sick and i am tired of it all. Yes. Finally, i am. This is no longer worth it. I don`t want to live anymore. What ? You don`t seem disturbed. You don`t seem moved. Why do you not care ? Oh... so you`ve heard this before as well. A lot of times you say ? Well life isn`t that easy after all, you would surely agree. Then what should be done about it ? End all this misery ? No; escapism is for fools and cowards. Face it head on ? Getting a bit too courageous are we ? Hah... no use fighting what you can`t get out of alive. After all, who has survived life and remained to tell the tale ? So you look for the same answer I search ? Then lo and behold ! My search is over. What is the answer ? When you can`t beat them, join them.
    Life is something we are forced into. The greatest tragedy of all is not death but life itself. Death is just God`s reward to you when you`ve had enough of your share of life. Living is like being strapped into an extremely fast car with no steering equipment. When nobody can expressly say that he or she would be alive the next moment, i find it safe to conclude that nobody is in control of his or her life. After all, unpredictability is the beauty of life. If everything was logical, understandable and foresee-able, life would be boring and monotonous. Boredom and monotony are the very reasons people find life a problem, but i guess you should be able to bear them at a much lesser level like you already do. Because if you know what was going to happen, life would not be life. Life would not be worth living. Live your life, i say, dont spend it. And there`s no point in living if you can`t feel alive.
    But why do you want to end yourself ? Life is too painful you say ? Why ? Did your parents beat you up ? Think of the things they went through to make you what you are today, and yet you remain an insolent and inobedient child. Did your love forsake you ? People say things dont live forever. Neither do you. I dont believe that. But what do I know ? You`re too young to fall in love anyway; first deserve, then desire. Yes. People have to deserve love in order to be loved. Have you ever been in love before ? You never felt this good before ? Then how do you know that this is love when you have never felt this before ? Oh.. suddenly you say you HAVE been in love before. Well if you can love again, or learn to love again, why dont you ? Frankly, i dont think you should be all sentimental about a breakup. Ughh.. well go ahead if you think this is the only time you will. I dont care. I have my delusion. For this is the land where hopes are laid to rest. Where dreams bleed and aspirations are crucified. Welcome to your Nightmare. This is life.
    You detest pain, you say ? Don`t you like it ? You are horrified at my exasperation ? Let me tell you, my friend, that pain is the greatest gift God could bestow on His Creation. Could ? I do not know the extents of the Diety, i could not even comprehend them, but do let me blaspheme while i`m at it, will you ? The feeling that you are nothing, that you are nobody, that you have lost everything and everybody, that even with those whom you share blood and ancestry have betrayed you; the utter pain of this realisation, that is all i need to know that i am alive and i am mortal. This is why life is a pain. You have to go through that feeling again and again. Death brings this only once, but also displays greener pastures as well. Even though the realisation is enough, i need this searing pain, this adrenaline rush time and time again. I need to be told again and again that i am normal and i am human. After all, there`s no point in living if you cant feel alive. Agony, suffering and the pain of anticipation and of many other forms as well is sweet and delirious; this tool of realisation should be enjoyed, not condemned.
    But what if life was a bed of roses ? If life was infact a bed of roses, there would always be thorns and you`d always sleep alone. After all, human beings have the tendency to collect all the petals for their own and leave the pricks for the rest. But nobody is that stupid now. And nobody deserves a bed of roses. Sleep on the burning pyres of discouragement and mockery and rest on the cold hard floor of defeat and then the taste of eventual victory would be so sweet that you`d suffer from attacks of soulful diabetes. And enjoy it. First deserve, then desire. Learn to first share your thorns with someone. Someone you love. Someone who`s important. Learn to bear another person`s pain when you believe that your suffering itself is too much. When your pain itself is enough. If you deserve someone with the thorns then the both of you deserve the sweet petals. But i know that even then you will not let go of the thorns. Hah... you humans crack me up. Memories, you say ? Cherished memories they will be. All in the past. But still you do not let go. Then bleed. Bleed crimson and blue. Bleed like I did. Bleed like I do. Bleed your body raw and taste your triumph. Your triumph over your arch-enemy; life. Live your life, dont spend it. Sense the might that uncertainty provides. Feel the power paranoia brings. Embrace the fear that gives men wings. Life is not a bed of roses; learn to relish the thorns.


    © Aitchisonian 2004


    [Dysfunction Timestamp]
    Shemrez had writer's block at 5:51 AM
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    Hatred And Death

    Hatred and Death
    - Shemrez Nauman Afzal [on special request]

    I hear voices in my head
    what do they say?
    leave me alone
    let me be
    i want to be sane
    i want to be free
    but these voices leave me not
    what do they say?
    what do they ask of me?
    will they deflower me?
    rob me of my sanity?

    nay comes a voice from the heavens
    a hand outstretched comes towards me
    fear not, child, i am thy savior
    embrace me once and thy shall see
    those voices in thy head
    i shall smite them with my wrath
    for that is the hatred buried within you
    what you hold for people
    what they deserve from you

    but do thee deserve to feel like this?
    like unwanted as you are
    why not shall thy feel bliss?
    come to me, my love, come to my arms
    come to my warm embrace
    i am death
    i am thy saviour
    i shal whisk thee away from all this hatred
    that you give
    that you recieve
    that what you should not get

    and i wake up for another tomorrow
    another hated, spiteful day of my life
    but i long for that dream again
    or should i invite death with the tip of my knife?
    for i do not feel afraid of death
    look at me
    look in my eyes
    do you see fear
    do you feel afraid
    if you do not, then youre wrong
    i am afraid of no one
    not you, not your god
    keep your faith to you
    all i need is me and myself
    that is enough i tell you
    this is my protection, my sheath
    this is my hatred
    this is my death...


    © Aitchisonian 2004


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    Wednesday, December 22, 2004

    Ire...

    Mere in alfaaz ko ghalat na samajhna
    Mere in geeton ko bas chup ke se sunna
    Likhne ke baad mera jaane kya iraada hai
    Bas ek baat yaad rakho, yeh sab bakwaas hai


    Postscript::
    Pavel's irony; it isn't bakwaas, really.


    [Dysfunction Timestamp]
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    Thursday, December 16, 2004

    Amazing Words from an Amazing Man

    You people HAVE to read this from MKK's blog.

    The Optimist's Dying Anthem

    simply amazing. convincing without being to flowery; it can really change your outlook in life to a more positive one.

    said it before, i'll say it again; you rule, dawg. and even that is an understatement.


    I'm trying to get over my temporal writer's block, so i'll be posting some excerpts from the biography of the Muslim Sufi Saint Rabi'a al-Adawiya of Basra.
    Take care, everyone. Safe...


    [Dysfunction Timestamp]
    Shemrez had writer's block at 2:55 AM
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    Thursday, December 09, 2004

    Her unrequited love

    I was just listening to "Maroon 5 - She will be loved". Amazing song, and I've got the hots for that Avril Lavigne look-alike chica. She is now another captive in my list which comprises Koel Purie, Jena Malone, Juneli Aguiar and Margo Harshman… heh, always fell for the chicks I never deserved in the first place. : )



    And she will be loved
    But when?
    Will it be too late;
    For time is certainly inequitable.
    Is it not the shaft of He whose laughter you hear from Above?
    Is it not the drink of the cup that holds the stars, seasoned with the bittersweet taste of consequence and belligerence?
    For surely, we are fools with strings attached.
    And we are fools not by our own choice.
    Someone's pulling the strings.
    Blingblingblingblingbling
    Blingg bling
    Bling bling bling…

    I can't bear to see this.
    Beyond excruciating, I tell you.
    The hooks in my skin.
    The invariable agony, the questions in my mind.
    Rising, popping, falling unanswered…
    Will she have broken the shards;
    The tiny recollections of sensual immortality
    Broken in her palm;
    Mingled in crimson
    As yet another wicked carnal dance?

    I'm alone.
    Can you hear me?
    Clawing the walls of my shell, the province of my conscience.
    I'm crying.
    My eyes are watery red. My release…
    Can you feel me?

    I can't.
    I've lost the feeling in my fingertips, the sense of touch in my palms.
    I feel cherubic yet heathen. I am invincible, yet I am not mortal.
    Am I human?
    I hate feeling like this. Lost between two worlds, I am the reaper that walks among the undead, boasting of my vibrancy.
    And I walk as shadows among the living mortals, no more solitary in my vivacity.
    Irreverence, I am.
    Impertinence, sacrilege through my stratum

    Mendacious
    In my face;
    My dual ethereality, yet again.
    In the depths of despair, an imbecile
    Another improvident soul.

    Think about it
    Put it on the fault-line
    What'll it take to get through to you, precious?
    Nothing's going to waste, except these beloved moments in which I feel wrenched distant;
    In a myriad of itineraries
    My heart beats twice every second
    One for each love, wait, more than twice…
    It's how you feel when it happens…
    Its how I feel when I prepare myself for the blight again.
    The confusion, the numbing melancholy
    The spirit in which we die, in which we are reborn
    Reincarnation, Demise, Regeneration, repeat.

    I'm a mess. I don't want to feel like this anymore
    Take me away, please, I beg you
    Take me away from the voices in my head
    The torturing screams, the high-pitched shrieks,
    The ghosts of my pasts, the eventuality of my future.
    Please, I'm on my knees now…
    No, wait.
    Look at me, my eyes.
    Look at the psychosis within.
    The fire of lunacy in my eyes.
    The evil smile on my face.
    Wait.

    Hold your breath, here I go, beyond the edge
    Look at me fly, my lucid wings
    Here, I am divinity
    Here, I
    Coalesce.

    The hand that holds thee, softly brushing against thy neck, draws out thy soul
    Empties thy being, lust upon iniquitous desire.
    I don't want to feel like this anymore
    Pick me up, in your arms, take me away to where you do
    Sing me your songs, lighten my heart with your melodies
    Shine my day with your sun
    I can feel you breathing on me
    Don't stop…

    And she still looks at me with those beautiful beady eyes
    In the offing for the remedy I can't provide
    Not yet, precious
    Not yet, no, don't smile that stunning, heartrending smile of yours
    Don't break my heart
    Hold on
    Stay inside this holy reality
    All this pain is an illusion
    Don't entice me with your long wavy hair
    I'll come to take your anguish away one day, I swear
    Soon, I'll be there
    Don't fret, don't worry
    I'm here till I'm there

    I will be your pleasure one day
    And you will be my elation
    Bliss, ecstasy, an aurora of passion
    Till we let the winds of time heave us apart

    I stand here, alone, an empty embrace in search of its fill
    I shall keep standing here, smiling at you
    And you, at me
    And we'll smile it away
    Till those lips of yours taste the sinful juice of imp harmony
    From the rim of my cup

    Warming the fire, turning the world
    It shall be soon, my love.
    Cupid's arrows have done their doing.
    Now it is upon us to relish the wound.
    Savor the lesion, for we share
    As we shall
    Soon, my dearest.
    She will be loved.
    She will.

    An' I somehow wonder
    If you know how it really feels
    To be left outside alone
    Where its cold out here.
    So much more I have to say
    Help me find a way.



    [Dysfunction Timestamp]
    Shemrez had writer's block at 1:52 AM
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    Enough...